What is Domestic Abuse?
It can be difficult to recognise when you’re being abused. You might believe that harsh or intimidating words don’t count as abuse — but they do.
Recognising Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is a pattern of harmful behaviour used by one person to control, intimidate, or hurt another within a close or intimate relationship.
It can happen between partners, ex-partners, or family members and takes many forms – not just physical violence.
Abuse can be emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, or coercive in nature.
It is never your fault, and you do not have to face it alone.
Emotional and psychological abuse can include constant criticism, threats, gaslighting, or isolating you from friends and family. Financial abuse might involve controlling your access to money, preventing you from working, or forcing you to account for every penny spent.
Coercive control – a recognised criminal offence in the UK – refers to a pattern of acts designed to make you feel dependent, afraid, or unable to leave.
Recognising domestic abuse can be difficult, especially if it has become part of daily life. You may feel ashamed, confused, or scared about what might happen if you speak out. But it’s important to know that help is available. There are safe, confidential services across the UK that support women just like you.
You deserve to live free from fear and harm.
Types of Domestic Abuse
Physical Violence
Physical Violence is the intention to cause or threaten to cause physical harm:
- Being kicked, punched, slapped, choked, bitten, pushed, stabbed
- Use or threats of use of ‘weapons’ including knives, guns, irons etc
- Being scalded, burnt or poisoned
- Objects being thrown at you including food, drinks, cutlery
Intentionally frightening you - Threats of violence against your children, family members or pets
- Causing you physical harm by denying access to medical treatment
- Threatening to use extended family members to attack you
- Destroying your personal and treasured items
Coercive Control
Coercive control is designed to make you dependent on the perpetrator by isolating you from support, and regulating your everyday behaviour:
- Monitoring your daily activities, including making you account for your time
- Telling you what to do and expecting obedience
- Telling police, family, employers (or threatening to) that you are the one committing the abuse
- Threatening to remove your children, that you will never see them again
- Isolating you from your friends and family
- Depriving you of your basic needs
- Monitoring your online communication tools or using spyware
- Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, where you can go, who you can see, what to wear and when you can sleep
Sexual Violence
Sexual Abuse is “any behaviour thought to be of a sexual nature which is unwanted and takes place without consent”, including but not limited to:
- Rape
- Forcing sex after physical assaults
- Sexually degrading language
- Forced involvement into making or watching pornography
- Forced involvement of sex toys
- Deliberately being hurt during sex
- Your partner telling you they are using protection when they are deliberately not
- Taking videos or photos of intimate activities without your consent and sharing (or threatening to) release them if you leave the relationship or tell anyone
Emotional, Verbal & Psychological
Emotional abuse is a continual, deliberate abuse, that can sometimes be difficult to notice:
- Constant yelling or shouting
- Intimidation
- Withholding affection and giving you the silent treatment
- Lying
- Socially isolating you
- Excessively criticising, being insulted or humiliated, including in front of others
- Making you the subject of jokes
- Telling you that you are to blame for the abuse and injuries
- Telling you your bruises, cuts, and injuries are not serious
- Accusing you falsely of having affairs
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse seldom happens in isolation in domestic abuse relationships, examples include:
- Not allowing you to spend any money unless ‘permitted’
- Making you account for every pound you spend
- Forcing you to be the only one who works but controlling all of your income
- Not allowing you to work, attend education or training
- Not allowing you to have your own bank account
Digital and Online
Using technology to harass and abuse someone, has become increasingly common:
- Having access to your computer to easily install spyware that can provide them with information on websites visited, conversations, passwords
- Creating email accounts in your name for purchasing services, filling your inbox with spam & viruses, sending threatening and harassing emails
- Using social media to intimidate you, sending threatening messages or pictures, spreading personal & false information that could impact family relationships and jobs
- Phones can be tapped so that the abuser can spy and eavesdrop on conversations, knowing your whereabouts and who you are talking to
- Apps such as Find my Phone and Google Maps, shared phone, bank, or internet accounts with the abuser, or remote security systems can all be used to harass, stalk or threaten you
- Using a smart-phone, GPS, or tracking device placed on a car, or in a purse to know at all times where you are or have been
Abuse Towards Children
Children and young people have often been referred to as the hidden or forgotten victims of domestic abuse. Children and young people can experience domestic abuse in many ways. Every child’s experience will be different:
- Be witnesses of violence or they may overhear it
- Experience physical abuse such as hitting, kicking or punching from the perpetrator
- Experience emotional abuse directly from the perpetrator – calling them names, commenting on their appearance, belittling them
- Experience abusive behaviour during contact with the abusive parent
- Young people can experience domestic violence within their own peer relationship
- Threaten to harm their mother, family or a beloved pet if they tell anyone what is happening
Abuse as a Parent
It is important to understand that perpetrators may and will use a woman’s role as a mother to further abuse her, to maintain control of that relationship – whether you are still in the relationship or have left.
- Demanding that you as the mother take on all of the childcare responsibilities
- Undermining your relationship with your children and your parenting skills
- Belittling you in front of your children
- Saying that you as their ‘Mother’ is crazy, doesn’t love them and turning children against you
- Threatening to physically harm the children if you tell anyone about your home life or leave the relationship
- Threatening to contact Social Services to get the children removed from you – telling them you are an unfit mother, your mental health will mean you lose your children, counter-alleging domestic abuse when they are the perpetrator
- Abuse through contact arrangements – sporadic pick-up times/dates, not arriving for contact, keeping children longer than arranged
- Threatening to take the children away or kidnap them if you leave the relationship
